my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
