Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
