One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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