unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
