In America we eat man semen.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
