I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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