I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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