I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
two words: eviction party
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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