i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
