I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
