Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
