Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
