who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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