you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
