i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
