You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
