Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
