next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
