U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
pop tarts are not kleenex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
