i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
