watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
