I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
