Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
