had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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