I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
