She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
