I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
