Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
