Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
