I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just pee around me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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