If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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