he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
3pm strippers are depressing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
