Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
