Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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