We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
