but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
