I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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