Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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