had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
