I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
