One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
