you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
