It's just like the Real World with babies
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
