fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm too high and old for this...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
