Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
