the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
