We need to rekindle our bromance
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
