I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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