it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
