Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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