You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
