The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
