You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
