at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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