It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
where are my eyebrows?
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